


Liaison

by Diego_Brando



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Medievalstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-20
Updated: 2014-10-20
Packaged: 2018-02-21 21:23:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2482934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diego_Brando/pseuds/Diego_Brando
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Highblood Tower's head wwizard contacts House Strider's only chronomancer to see how the liaison with the Harleys are going, as means to prevent a Derse/Prospit war.</p><p>Natually, House Strider has liaisoned with House Harley in its own special way.</p><p>They should really call it House Harlot now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Liaison

“Am I comin through ok?”  
“Yeah yeah, I hear you fine.”  
“Fan-fucking-fastic. You wwanna try vvisual?”  
“I don’t know. Do you want pants on, or no?”

Tap. Tap. Tap. Eridan knew he should stop doing that. He’d crack his nails eventually.

“I don’t givve a damn. Wwe’re gonna talk tactics, and wwe’re gonna be in chairs, so I shouldn’t be seeing you from the waist down anywway.”

“I’m putting on pants. I’m cold.”

“You’re in front of a fire…. wwhatevvah, just… let’s get this showw on the damn road already. I’m burning time here.”

“I have nothing but time, but I understand not everyone is blessed like I am.” There was a sound like rustling cloth followed by the jingling of metal. “Alright.” Then a sound of stumbling, and more rustles, and then more belts. “No, now go. Crank that shit, wizard man.”

“Alright.” 

There was a woosh of air, and suddenly Eridan was able to see Dave sitting in his room, atop a wooden chair. He was wearing a red, pinstriped suit jacket over what appeared to be a black shirt, a white sash bearing the symbol of derse on it followed by the broken record and then the symbol of Time, the read gear. Below that was a red heart and a pink diamond, and then a black spade. An empty space, then a scrap of green felt. On his face were his ever-present blackglasses, which he claimed protected his eyes. Around his shoulders was a cape that covered one shoulder, the other one bearing a golden piece of armor. And, as advertized, black pants and a gray belt holding them on, another record on the buckle. 

Eridan glanced down at his own garb. He had a blue, longsleeved shirt shirt on with a black jacket over it. A badge of hope adorned his left breast pocket, and upon his shoulders were purple badges holding on a purple, high-collared cape. His pants were black, his face was adorned with a small scratch above his left eye and glasses over both of them, and his blond hair contained one tuft of purple above his forehead that was meant to be there, and one splash of fuchsia something on the back of his head that was not. That would wash out.

Swiping his hair out of his eyes, Eridan gazed into his purple fire. “Based on your raised, almost taunting arms, I assume you can see my handsome face in your fire?”

Lowering his arms, Dave smiled and nodded. “House Strider welcomes you via some magical red fire bullshit you gave me at our last in-person meeting.” Crossing his arms and legs, Dave leaned back into his chair, the legs tapping into the floor. “At least I’ve got mine in an actual fireplace, by the way. From my point of view it looks like you got me on a table.”

“I do. You’re on my left/back alchemy table against the wall. Next to some fucking scrolls about… I don’t fuckin know, kama sutra I think. And some bottles full of purple stuff.”

“Great. Those aren’t flammable, right? I don’t wanna burn up your table.” Dave said, cocking his head.

“It’s fine. I havve this under control.”

“Alright.”

“So, tactics. Howw go your discussions wwith house Harley?” Eridan asked, picking his pocketbook out of his right shirt pocket. “I believe that you wwere asked by Ms. Peixes at our last meeting to liason with Ms. Jade, as your brother was asked to liason with the one called English.”

“That’s correct.”

“Howw did that go? Dirk doesn’t seem to be here, so you go ahead and givve his report too.” Eridan requested, tapping his pointer finger onto the table again. Tap. Tap. Tap.

“Oh… it sounds like it went pretty well. He liason-ed him pretty good by the sounds of it. It being last night. At like, 4am.” Dave said, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Ms. Jade was out by an extreme degree by that point, but I was awake for a glass of whatever-alcohol-I-happen-to-have- in-my-bedside-table-at-the-time.”

 

“That’s my favvorite drink, by far.” Eridan interrupted to joke.

“Isn’t it? Anyway, Jake sounded like he was pretty into whatever we’re selling.” Dave said, leaning down so far his head was almost on his knees.

“You’re saying they fucked, huh.” Eridan said, cutting to the chase.

“Like rabbits on boner pills.”

“Wwell, all according to fuckin plan then. Howw’s the liasoning between you and Jade then?”

“Hmmmm~” hummed a dainty voice from behind Dave. A pale girl with black hair sat up in Dave’s bed, eyes closed. Considering the absolute wanking I’ve done with describing extremely lavish clothes so far, this is where I’d do it. Only she wasn’t wearing any. The girl stretched her arms toward the high ceiling, and collapsed back down, giggling slightly.

“...” Dave was silent.

“......” Eridan was silent too.

“...........” Dave continued to be silent.

“I see they went well.” Eridan said, steepling his fingers against his nose, lowering his eyebrows at his little fire. 

“Uhh… yeah. Yeah, they sure did…” Dave said unsurely. 

“Yeah. I don’t think that this method will work on the war-like Makara house, or the Hall of Signless. The religious types don’t go for it.” Eridan said, well aware of a few members of the Hall of Signless it would absolutely work on. 

“Yeah, well, House Strider has swords a-fucking-plenty for those guys. Or bibles, whatever. Assuming we have some left over from book burning night.”

“Do you guys seriously have a book burning night?” Eridan asked, leaning backwards as he brushed his scrolls away from the fire.

“Well, there’s a lot of books we don’t like… and sometimes, we need to conserve firewood, and fuck if these books aren’t doing us any good. They suck! And it’s really cold sometimes!”

“You people are idiots, but damn if you aren’t hell on twwo feet holding a swword on the battlefield.” 

“Yeah, I think House Strider would have over-fucking-run Highblood Tower by now if it wasn’t for the fact that the Amporas are godlike magicians.” Eridan raised his eyebrow at this admission of destruction. “Ahab’s Judgement is a powerful spell. Ms. Lalonde fainted after having enough of a nosebleed to fill three shot glasses when using it, I don’t know how you guys keep it up.”

“Wwell, the trick is it’s basically all wwe knoww howw to use. Wwe havve vvery little talent for healing, scrying, pyromancy, or the like. All wwe havve is just shit blowwin up.” the Highblood said, wiggling his fingers as they crackled with Judgement. 

“Anyway, how goes your Liaison-ization with the Peixes part of Highblood Tower?” Dave asked, glancing over his shoulder. “I hear you have the fish-hots for a certain Feferi.”

“Wwhat you havve been hearin is wwrong then.” Eridan lied, glancing at the wall next to him where he knew there was someone female asleep in his bed. “I am so fuckin focused on my spellwwords and military tactics that there could be someone behind me naked right noww and I wwould continue this absolutely moronic discussion of my non-existent lovve life.”

“Nice run on sentence. Do you usually do those when you lie to me?” Dave asked, shrewdly. 

“I’m not lying.” Eridan lied again. 

“Yeah, whatever man. So, liaison-ing-ization-afying is good, our love lives are ok, you won’t talk about your sex life, and House Strider is un-paralled in swordfighting as Highblood Tower carries a fucking god-wizard man. Good talk.” 

“Yeah. I think I’m up to date now. Go back to bed, or wwhatevvah. Make some breakfast for Ms. Harley, and have either an awkward glance at Dirk or share some fuckin high-damn-fivves.”

“Most likely the latter. Have a nice day, you piece of shit.”

“Same to you, dickhead.”

And the two waved their capes over their fires, extinguishing them.


End file.
